I’m hurting so much right now.. I told myself I won’t cry.. I told myself I’ll be strong.. I told myself I’d turn the pain into fuel.. but I lack strength Son.. I lack fortitude.. I can’t stop myself from crying.. I can’t stop this pain.. my mind can’t stop the pain I feel in my soul.. I remember the day you were born.. seeing you in NICU.. seeing you fight for your life. I remember your Brother asking me.. “Daddy.. why isn’t Nasir moving?”
…tears just keep running down my face..
Son.. I’m trying not to cry.. but I can’t stop crying. It hurts.. it hurts so much.
It seems selfish that I would cry and you’re the one that wasn’t given an opportunity to live out your Dreams..
I guess I’m crying because you weren’t given that opportunity.. I guess I’m crying because I can’t understand why you’re not here. I’ve done many things in my life that I’m not proud of.. but I’ve never requested an abortion.. I could never see myself telling anyone to take my child’s life.
So I’m confused.. what have I done that’s so bad that you were taken from us after spending a few days on this earth.. I can’t stop crying……….
I may not be the best Father.. I may not be the best Man and I may not be the best Son.. but I don’t think I deserved for you to be taken for us.. I’ve done many things in my life.. but I will gladly give my life and every worldly possession – just to give you the opportunity to be a Man.. You deserve this Life.. you deserve a full life.. you deserve to laugh and learn.. you deserve 15 Birthday Cakes.. you deserve a 15 Christmas mornings.. but most importantly.. you deserve the opportunity to create your own legacy..
Your death will not be in vain.. For your 15th Birthday – I’ll make you this promise..
I will create the Nasir Luthas Foundation and which will build Nasir Luthas Medical Centers all over the world. These medical centers will:
– Effectively use maternal \ child health epidemiologic research and scientific information to improve public health programs and policies related to women, children, and families’ health
– Increase awareness of preterm birth and its consequences
– University Scholarships and continuing education resources for anyone who wants to be an Obstetrician and Gynecologist
– Improve pregnancy outcomes for women and newborns by advancing evidence-based clinical practices and processes through continuous quality improvement
You will never be forgotten.. You’ve came from Me and You’ve returned to Me..
Although the tears slowed down.. the pounding in my head hasn’t.. It’s ok.. We’ll fix it.
Happy Birthday Son.. Daddy loves You…